Guilt Trip

I had my first patient at my other clinic today. For a struggling newbie pediatrician, its a welcome change to have a mom knocking on my clinic doors wanting to avail of my services. But I am at a dilemma because I didn't have any clinic hours today. The mom knows that because it was clearly stated in my signboard but she still came because according to her, her son is sick and she is not going to wait for tomorrow.

I have always said that I want to enforce strict clinic hours because if I don't people will abuse me. I have met a lot of people and have been in a lot of situations that can really try your patience so believe me, I know what I am talking about. I know this is what I do and I even made an oath but it does not mean that I have to spend all my time doing it.

People around me are very adamant about this and are all putting a guilt trip on me. They don't seem to understand that I need to get a life too. Does wanting to be a normal human being make me bad?

just when i was starting to worry about this month's rent, blessings keeps pouring in...

God has truly blessed me with wonderful people who are very supportive. first, my parents who have been behind me all the way, understanding that i can't do it all on my own, never complaining when i cannot give even a single centavo to them. second, the wind beneath the residents' wings (my former training officer) who gave me the place i call my clinic at a very minimal cost complete w/ secretary & all the necessary equipments. i even get the priviledge to see her interesting cases & even some of her patients when she goes out of town. third is the person who saw me grow up (from a lowly intern to a resident to a chief resident & now to a junior consultant) who trusts me enough to take care of his patient pre-op. fourth, the OB (i got to work w/ her during my internship days) who gave me my very first newborn. lastly, all those other people who have been putting a good word for me & the residents who help me one way or another.

starting your own practice is not as easy as ABC. i know it's cliche but its true that you really reap what you sow. always be courteous and helpful to the people around you, may it be the guard on duty, the med tech or nurse who assissted you at the ER, the doctor who asked a favor from you or even the janitor who cleans the office everyday because they are the ones who will help you along the way.

and remember... God is GOOD all the time & He DOES provide!

a friend's father passed away early this morning. he had been in the icu for a week but was declared brain dead later on so the family decided to just give him supportive treatment and wait. i can just imagine what my friend must have gone through & what she is still going through at the moment. im sure her being the only doctor in the family & being the patient's daughter at that made it more difficult for her. she knew from the very start what her dad's condition was even without talking to the attending physicians and explaining things to your mom & the rest of the family then later coming up with a decision on what should be done is a task that must have taken lots of courage. for the doctor part, it is easy to say let him go, we can't do anything anymore but the daughter part would want to hold on as long as possible. i wouldn't want to be in that position because i know it would surely tear me apart.

i know i have been a good daughter but im not perfect. and for all those times, im sorry mom & dad! i may not say it often but you know i love you both!

p.s.

a word of advice from a collegue who lost

both her parents already:

"never give your parents grief. always show them

you love them while they are still w/ you because

you'll never know when they will be taken from you."

post-convention

as i predicted, the annual convention formally closed the other day with me being able to attend only 2 lectures all in all. i spent most of my time either at the hospitality booths, exhibit area or at the hospital because i became one of the designated drivers.

as a whole, it was a generally peaceful convention. not much arguing was heard except during the last day when the adrenaline was high because of last minute shoppings that had to be completed before going back to the hotel rooms to pack for the return flight home. i think the turn-out was good but comparing it to the previous years, i saw more people then. or maybe they were attending the plenary sessions?

it was also nice to see long lost friends and acquaintances. i got to see a co-intern again after almost 5 years (and got reminded that i am her child's godmother! sorry anak, utang muna ang regalo). i also got to see batchmates and friends in med school. i didn't realize that a lot of us went into pediatrics, this is really news because it wasn't a popular subject to us when we were still in school. everybody was afraid of the department because a lot of students wasn't able to graduate with their original batch because they failed it.

it was also 3 days of mouth-watering almost non-stop eating for us! there were lots of foods for the taking, from ice creams to coffee to cakes. there was also the drug company sponsored eat-outs and gimiks. and of course the almost yearly lunch out sponsored by the department's mother. i think we overdid it this year because we got a huge bill!

kudos to the society for a job well done! hope to see you all again next year.

a gathering

tomorrow will be the 1st day of our annual national convention and once again, pediatricians all over the country will be gathering in one place to update themselves of the new trends/discoveries in our field. but we cannot deny that for some, it is a venue to see old friends and meet new ones. still for some, they come out here for the SHOPPING (translation: grappling for the numerous give-aways of drug companies)!

i was told by a senior colleague that it is not the case abroad. in national convention in the united states for example, the only things they give are pens and papers presumably for the participants to take notes and numerous journals and information sheets. only in the philippines will you find doctors arguing with who was first in the line or hear doctors reprimanding a collegue for failing to fall in line when they have been patiently waiting for hours just so they can get the bag given by Mead Johnson or the cute something given by Astra. you will not believe the acquaintances you will gain when going thru these long lines at the exhibit areas! more senior pediatricians asking a resident where she got the nice give away and could she please save a spot for her in the line. so funny but all so true!

there are times that i feel guilty when at the end of the day i realize that i didn't get to listen to a single lecture because i was busy falling in line at the exhibit area. but that is precisely the fun part! however, we should also not forget the real reason we are there - to learn something and have fun.

baby #1

i saw my very first newborn patient last wed at the clinic. he is now 1 month old, grew 6 cms longer and gained 1.4 kilos. mom says he's always hungry and is usually well-behaved.

it is at times like these that makes all the things i went through in med school all worth it. it is also what made me decide to go into pediatrics besides the fact that i like kids. it is a different high when you see the joy on the parents' faces when you send home a child after a well baby check-up or after getting well. of course that is not always the case and that is the painful side of being a kids' doctor. but as i have always said, we are not gods with powers to give life. we can only do what is humanly possible and leave everything else to the One above who is the most powerful.

i have been burning holes thru my chair for the past week. as i said, i am anticipating this scenario, i just hope this won't be what it will be like for long because i too have bills to pay. its frustrating sometimes but i have to learn to be patient. and it doesn't help that i have a lot of other things on my mind lately. (sigh)....